Nine West lead to Tears

Yesterday I visited one of my fav stores Nine West Outlet on the OBX, NC. I am fortunate to live right by them, Coach and, Ralph Lauren Polo just to name a few.

I was in this store earlier in the week and saw this electric cobalt blue clutch that I have been now dreaming about all week. I had to have it now so when I entered the store, just say that I came out with more than just the clutch, but I also met these most amazing and Divaliciously managers of my life.

We talked about shoes, handbags, feet, animal prints, then the Convo transitioned to AIDS/HIV Awareness. One of the manager's had this terrifying story of his younger brother and his journey of being HIV/AIDS positive. The story will touch ur soul once you hear it, the natural human being in you so all I could do was cry of course! The tears poured so heavy I went from this Diva to a lush. When he was telling me the story of his brother and all their efforts in the awareness of this fatal disease all I could do was think about my Uncle Ricky.

You talking about the most Divaest person in the world it was him. He put the Capital D in Diva even before it was such a name. He helped raise me, he love to style me, and he even named me. He is where I got my since of uniquest and knowing that it is ok being different. I remember being 4 with a leather two piece pink skirt suit. It was soooo cute. I was 5 with Mink coats and tons of jewelry that my uncle bought me. He was my heart my love and I love him still. He had me enrolled early as a D.I.T. (diva in training). Lol!!

He was diagnosed with AIDS in 1989. The same year my Dad died ironically enough. My Uncle Ricky was gay and contracted the disease from his life long partner. His partner was the carrier so you can imagine the deception when my Uncle found out that he is now effected. He died in 1991 and everyday doesn't go by where I don't think him. Especially since my wedding was just 3 months ago all I can vision is him in the audience looking on to his baby girl. (Great tip at weddings, I set up a remembrance table to recognize those who couldn't be there, it helped bring their presence to our special day.)

When I heard the manager's story a light clicked on and I then realized it wasn't the cobalt bag I came into this store for its a whole lot more and now my life is going to be changed forever. To hear the passion in the manager story and all his family efforts I just knew that I have to be apart of this effort now. This could be what I can do to help our communities learn about the seriousness of this disease and how it is attacking out culture and our people at alarming rates.

Now I went to Nine West for a clutch and came out with 2 handbags and a new desire and purpose for life. Sometimes these moments come when you least expect it but I am learning to accept them and try to move forward and make a difference in our world. Of course I will still crying all the way home, and when I arrived home, I hugged my husband so tight then ate a whole big bag of Doritos. That's when I realized I was at the right place at the right time today talking to the right people. Only one person could have that type of control and we know who that is! It was no need to be sad anymore now it was time to rejoice!

I encourage us not only to find our niche, but to find it where our community could benefit from our story, our experiences, and our life lessons. The feeling from it, could be on a level that we have never experienced. It has no price tag not even the value of a pair of "red bottoms," but this sense of accomplishment like no other. I want that sense of calmness and achievement in my life. I think that will heightened my level as a person and shape me into the person I was destined to be with a whole new degree of divaliciousness!! ~~  Whats ur thoughts?? Have you found that passion??

Here is the Blue Clutch, I kept dreaming about....

BUT lets raise some awareness the Divalicious Way!! ~~

HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL DATES TO REMEMBER!!
http://aids.gov/news-and-events/awareness-days/

• National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - Feb 7
• National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - March 10
• National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - March 20
• HIV Vaccine Awareness Day - May 18
• National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - May 19
• Caribbean American HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - June 8

• National HIV Testing Day - June 27
• National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day - September 18
• National Gay Men's HIV/AIDS Awareness Day - September 27
• National Latino AIDS Awareness Day - October 15
• World AIDS Day - December 1

Heels & Handbags

One thing about being a Diva is our love for the finer things in life. Not settling for nothing especially for a pair of flats when we can have some Divafied heels that makes our feet do the happy dance and our legs look fierce.

One thing I have learned about shoes and handbags they always fit. It's hard being in limbo with weight and getting extremely depressed when some clothes magically becomes too tight or that cute skirt won't even zip.

The most comforting feeling is when you slip on those heels and grab a stunning handbag and even though the skirt won't zip or that shirt is way too tight our shoes & handbags becomes our hero and a breakdown savior for the day. It's even great when that strong man in our life says, "baby wear those glitter pumps to bed but with nothing else!" whoop whoop!!! TWO SNAPS (~~)

Now I have noticed that the shoe and handbag rescue doesn't work every time but it is certainly nice when it does. I walked into the nail salon Today and I have been going to this place since I was a freshman in college, so they have seen my weight struggles. My nail guy says "whew thank the lord your legs got lighter when you were heavy I thought I was going to die when I lifted you feet and legs up to do your pedicure," the crazy thing is I didn't even get mad, I chuckled and said I know that's right tipping the scale in the upward direction doesn't seem feasible and it certainly didn't pleased my feet guy! CTHU!!!

When it seems like a gloomy day in our weight conquering quest try a killer pair of heels that elongate you with a ~~.(two snaps) purse and go on with your day like you are on top of the world. I like to treat myself to this web site because they always have cute shoes I mean cuuuttteee, at great prices. The web site is www.shoeprivee.com

I love to find great deals and steals and when I see them I will share an pass them along. Now handbags or shoes may not be your thing but please find something during the weight loss journey that you can reward yourself with. I find that to be very helpful! I sure love gifting myself and even better when someone else is doing the paying. Every woman has a "go to thing," whether its shoes, handbags, sunglasses, jewelry, coats hats or men (LMAO!) embrace these things when it matters the most. Being plus sized doesn't me we can't be DIVAFIED!! ~~

Whats ur thing???

Here are mine.........

Disappointments???

Hello World,

This past weekend I was sick as a dog, and my hubby feed me all these Carb infested soups all weekend long. (if you haven't wondered that sucks), because even though I had the stomach virus, I could of at least dropped a few pounds. Darn. But while I was sick I started thinking of Disappointments or should I say resentments, and I came to one of the biggest ones and that was my Dad.

I often wonder, am I this heavy because I have unresolved issues with my father. Am I using food to suppress or to fill some void? The sucky part is he is dead and have been for the past 23 years, so its not like I can ask him some questions for resolution now can I.... He died from two strokes and suffered a brain damage a couple days after Thanksgiving when I was 7. He was my Mom's sugar daddy, so leaving any monetary help or support for his youngest child (me) seemed not apparent. In hindsight that is OK, because I am the woman I am today, from the lack of support, but the bountifulness of support from my Grandmother, my Mother, and the rest of my family.

The crazy thing is that when he was alive, I felt some of the love even if he was drunk out of his mind. I am not big on a person that does not keep their word, and I remember my Dad saying he will always protect me, but that's not what happened. I wasn't protect from the ridicule from his wife, or the non ownership, denial or fabrication of his and I relationship. When you are not even mentioned in your own Dad's obituary talking about the meaning of acceptance, I believe that still today hurts me to my soul. My husband says you know that's not your Dad's doing, it was his wife, but I felt like he didn't protect or took care of me like he did his wife and their children. He didn't call to tell me he Loved me, he only came by, I believe to keep tabs on my mom, but I would like to ask that question, did you ever care or love me truly? My mom would take up for him even now, but I believe that is because she doesn't want me to have malice or hatred for him in my heart for him. The ironic thing is, I think I already do.

It seems when you go through some of life's biggest moments, you perhaps start to think about things that you thought were suppressed, gone, non-existent, or buried. Whelp, that's what happened to me when I was planning our wedding. I started to think about my Dad, a lot. Things like, if he was alive I wonder would we be struggling & sacrificing to pay for our wedding, since my husband and I paid for it mainly ourselves and the father of the bride traditionally pays for it all? Would he have wanted to walk me down the isle, or to say a toast at the reception? Would he had protected from the rumors, the stress, or the drama? Only he would know???

I wonder do disappointments linger on, or at some point we are suppose to get over them and live life? I guess at 30, I am learning just that concept with dealing with my Dad. I am starting to believe that disappointments come with forgiveness and that is a true fact that I am struggling to work on. I thought I forgave him previously but I am learning that's not the case. But at last I have realized that the quicker I forgive the healthier physically and mentally I will become. Do you have any disappointments in your life, that need forgiveness????  Share them, I would love to read them. ~~

                                                                      

My First Blog--- Uggghhh Weight Loss

I remembering praying last night asking God "why is weight loss such a struggle for me?" I have been overweight since I was in high school (the birth control shot depo provera was not my friend), and it seemed to never get better.

I lost 100 lbs! But I don't believe that I lost that 100 lbs. for me, it was for the appearance of me, not to be healthy. I worked out tirelessly everyday, I mean evverrryday and ate of course no carbs for it seemed like forever. Once a month, I would do weight watchers to switch things up, but immediately return to no carbs for another 4 weeks. Weight was dropping off, but it seemed more like a crash diet then a lifestyle change. So knowing that, I gained 40 of it back (sad face), but since the new discovery I have been steady losing then gaining but nothing tremendous, just staying leveled. I tried so hard for our wedding May 19, 2012 to lose another 30 lbs (yes indeedy, plus size and all, I'm happily married!), but I'm so hard on myself when I don't make a goal I set, I start to feel like a failure and tend to eat.

This is sad, because as I am writing this, all I can think about is getting a double cheeseburger from McDonald's with no pickles, even though I had one of my quick salads for lunch. Weight loss is such a sore spot for me, that it makes me emotionally unavailable sometimes. I mainly do a low carb diet, with a great deal of protein meats, minus pork and beef (hint this craving for a freakin' double cheeseburger). Now if I would to go and get this double cheeseburger, I would break down and cry my whole hour drive home and hide the evidence so no one could see it because I am embarrassed now. I truly do think it's a mind thing just like a drug. Food is one of the things that makes me happy and sometimes I wonder if that food is filling a spot that seems to be empty at that particular time. I am a sucker for good food and good service heck I'm a foodie. But I am learning to eat a lot healthier and channel these desires, while being a whole lot more active.

I started a new workout "Zumba", and its a great change from just the treadmill and weight training, if anyone has ever tried it is wonderful! I noticed that emotions trigger my desire to cheat on my quest to healthy living. I noticed that if I am bored, I want to snack and eat, if my highly pissed, I mean real mad, I want to eat and snack, if I am happy, I am cool good to go no cheating is present. After being aware of my emotional triggers, having a great support system, being more active, and watching my food intake, I believe I am on the right path to weight loss success. ~~ (two snaps)~~

Quick alternative:
Instead of the McDonald's Double Cheeseburger for $1.29 (that I so craved)

Try my Quick Salad for the same price:
Lettuce
Roma Tomatoes
Garlic Cheese Croutons ($1.00 for a box at Dollar Tree My all time favorite store)
Sprinkle of Parmesan Cheese
Ground Black Pepper
A little Caesar Dressing
... And there you have it a nice quick hit the spot salad, that will stretch the dollar and a whole lot healthier for you all at the same time.
I am learning different ways and receipes to keep healthy living possible for me, and I will continue to share.

I will keep you posted through my weight loss journey!   In the mean while, please feel free to comment on your own personal struggles, journeys, and new tricks during your weight loss transformation.